Feb 14 2022 I didn’t sleep whole night

 Time :7 am 

I’m wiring this with early in the morning being awake for the entire night worrying about my future , last 3.5 months have been mostly like this since October 5. 

My previous blog post was in July 2021 and writing this after almost 7 months. I feel I’m more toned down as a personality now 

October 5 2021 - client went thru org change Tammy tookover the charge as poc for us. I had a bad meeting with client (mondelez) senior decision maker - hector . Hector newly took over this positions and he is hell bent on the moving ur contract to Accenture . I was worried after the meeting as my entire business case for director was evacuate of mondelez and suddenly my future looked bleak. This also accompanied with one of my key guy Vignesh resigning . I suddenly felt lonely with future bleak in job at the same time the algo which I was trying out and very hopeful was not giving expected result as the fix was continuously down previous 3 months. Whatever little money came as trading profit was less than charges , so decided to abandon it as it was not giving profit and also Hari became  busy in crackers so he left for the entire month. Getting beaten down from all sides made me anxious and I lost my sleep over it , through out October there were many escalations - Coldstream, coupa upgrade project went into issues and it all seemed like a made up. We also faced sudden resource crunch as people left. All lead to anxiety and more anxiety . 

November - we made lot of effort / investment to sooth the client but all looked like going into vain as they appeared to be not at all pleased and made up their mind and finding reasons to justify their decisions, more frustration and anxiety as I felt I have working on thankless job and client was so transactional. 

December - there was a RFP released to choose the Coe partner who could take over end to end responsibility which we were doing, It as a shocker as our contract was just renewed back in July 2021 for 2 years  and in 6 months they released this RFP. It was shocker and we felt cheated . Result was already known that they want to choose Accenture in this process , RFP was more of formality - e still responded with utmost sincerity with whatever little hope we had. Lots of work on RFP alongside the regular work. Was overworked till mid of December till we submitted the RFP . 

January 2022 - fear of future - my buddy in office resigned the job moving to canada. I somehow felt that all good guys are leaving and I’m left out in this time with bleak future, I’m also feeling that i wasted opportunity of going to US as it feels my life would have been much better had I accepted the offer back in 2018. This month was full of regrets on my bad decisions in the past, why dint I go to US, why dint I start up another company , i have become too old to start now ? Have I missed the bus .. all this lead to sleepless nights . I started to take sleeping pills and got some respite after few days of medication 

Another big issues was iniya sathya - jan 5th she dint give the rent as promised so I took harsh decision of disconnecting her electricity on jan 11th after trying to recover the rent .  I expected  her to come by my way - but it turned out to be a ego fight - she was without electricity for 7 days and she put immense pressure on us through police- we dint see any respite or toning down of iniya Sathya and all our effort to oursuade police also failed, we had to oblige and put back electricity on jan18th  .. all these days it too much drama and pressure and waste of time .. all to recover 10000 rent it was more of ego than the money recovery . This made me realise we need not win every conflict , every fight - we need to take call based on cost benefit analysis and never trade peace of mind for any amount . Giving your peace of mind is like giving your entire life for that period to the conflict and it might also end up screwing your future as lack of peace will get u to do things that will have long lasting impairment to your reputation and health and money .  So tone down my friend - think before you speak , as what you speak triggers others ego . Everyone has emotional intelligence issues like you do , so don’t expect others to act matured or understand your point of view , 

February - losses in stock marker - need to rethink the naked selling setups markets are erratic and testing . Today I dint sleep because my positions are naked long and there is war tension between Ukraine and Russia and the US inflation is way higher than expected triggering the rate hike probability of fed.